Rock stars and their toilet seats

No more heroes any more

It was 1965 when 20-year-old Pete Townshend of The Who wrote the line "I hope I die before I get old". But thanks to medical advances, public health measures, lifestyle changes and improved nutrition, not many of our musical heroes are going in a blaze of their own vomit anymore.

How do we adjust to this new longevity?

If it wasn’t for the internet, we might have been able to acclimatise to this a little more smoothly. Yes the Roger Daltrys and the Alex Jameses would have retired to their trout fisheries and cheese farms and we’d have grudgingly accepted it. Out of sight, out of mind.

But with the internet, we’re living cheek by jowl with these folk; we can watch them decaying alongside us, and it’s not pretty. Who wants to know about Liam Gallagher’s psoriasis and hip replacements?

But it’s not just the stars themselves and their ordinariness that’s ripping away their mystique. Do a little internet sleuthing and you can find all kinds of mundane things out about their families too…

Just last week, thanks to Dean Stephenson’s excellent weekly roundup, I saw Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran stumbling over some lights on his way off stage. I wasn’t worried though - my immediate thought was “At least he has a chiropractor on hand,” because did you know that his brother is an osteopath? That’s right. If you really wanted to (I really want to) you can book an appointment with the Berkely Clinic to see Jonathan Le Bon and get your spine cracked back into place.

Don’t believe it’s him? OK let’s check the blurb: “His clients include world-class yachtsmen¹, athletes and world-champion powerboat racers and other international sports persons.”

And here’s the visual proof:

If that’s not Simon’s brother I don’t know who is.

Now of course, famous people have siblings and those siblings are going to have to earn their own crust somehow. But it’s just not what I envisioned when I was 11 and enjoying A View to a Kill via NOW 5². I thought the route to Simon would be much rockier than this. I would have to become a dancer or a model and boot Yasmin out of the way before somehow dazzling him with my painfully underdeveloped charisma, wonky fringe and fixed brace. It was a tough ask.

In fact, all I needed to do was develop a little repetitive strain injury and book in with Jonathan for £95 for 30 minutes and I’d have a Le Bon’s hands on me in seconds.

Insult to injury

There’s another example like this that similarly brought me back down to earth with a bump.

I don’t know how I found this out, but Brett Anderson, lead singer of one of my favourite bands Suede, has a sister, Blandine, who makes ceramics. Yes, you too could own a piece of pottery hand sculpted by someone with the same DNA as the Britpop frontman.

Just go to Blandine Anderson Sculptural Ceramics and Paintings to find out about her technique and process (who cares) before barging straight through to the shop section. Some of these pieces - ‘After the Pub’ a 31 x 34 x 10 cm piece of stoneware for example - look as if they were inspired by her brother’s band.

Same old game

It’s not as if these rock stars themselves are immune to such mundanities. An architect I know once worked on Robert Smith from The Cure’s conservatory. In meetings, Smith would pay meticulous attention to shower screens and toilet flush buttons, all while sporting his trademark backcomb and smudged lipstick.

And how did he pay for it? A Glastonbury appearance or the release of a greatest hits album would fund the next phase of landscaping, plumbing, and drainage works. It’s not exactly Liberace’s fast cars and custom-made grand pianos.

I like that these people are here alongside us though - drinking squash and planning extensions just like everyone else. It’s just that the idea of Smith debating the merits of dual-flush toilets didn’t cross my mind when I saw him on Top of the Pops. I guess it’s a reminder that we’re all tethered to the same domestic grind. Or as the late John Prescott said “We’re all middle class now.”

Mariah Carey’s kittens

So is the golden age of rock star mystery and eccentricity long gone? The music industry is already a lot less monied and therefore glam than it once was, so we can only expect more of this kind of silent flushing and antibacterial seat checking from our pop stars.

But we still have a pipeline of old school ones to enjoy. Did you know for example that Barbra Streisand has a personal shopping mall located in her basement complete with a fully functioning doll shop, sweet shop, and an antique store? Just don’t tell me her brother’s building company were the main contractors³.

Thanks so much for reading, please feel free to hit the ‘like’ button. And welcome to new subscribers! Last week I rebranded to The Nostalgia Project to make my theme clearer. You can read more about it on my about page. Let me know what you think.

And if you missed it last week’s post, here it is: ‘Coughs and sneezes spread diseases’.

Have a great weekend all - keep warm! 🥶

1. Simon is an avid sailor whose been involved in several sailing adventures, including the capsizing of his yacht Drum in 1985, which trapped him and five other crew members in the upturned boat for 40 minutes. 

2. Now That's What I Call Music! (often shortened to NOW) is a series of compilation albums featuring various artists which began 41 years ago this month. NOW 5 was a particular cracker.

3. Sheldon Streisand actually runs and advertising agency (which is more like it).